i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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