Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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