Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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