i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
