absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
