Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
