Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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