yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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