thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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