He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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