I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
