lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
