Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
