Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
