I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
