One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
