I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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