If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
