I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
