How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
