Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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