i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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