The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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