Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
