Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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