rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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