I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
