Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
