is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
