I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
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The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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