watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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