Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
