you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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