after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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