You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
