the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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