just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
