I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
