all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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