There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
