I'm eating all of the evidence.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
