We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
