Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
