I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
sex in a hospital.. check
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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