I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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