He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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