Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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