.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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