i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
