Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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