I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
