my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
did i walk over a car last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
