so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
