you didnt know i had herpes?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
