Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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