Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
