After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
