i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
