I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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