I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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