Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
