This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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