There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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