I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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