My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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