I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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