if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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