And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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