mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I deserve this hangover.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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