If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
