did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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